BAHA'I WORLD WELCOMES ELEVATION OF NATIONAL SPIRITUAL ASSSEMBLY OF THE BAHA'IS OF THE UNITED STATES

NATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES UNVEILED BY UHP
MEMBERS DELIGHTED

The Universal House of Pancakes today announced that the National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is of the United States has by hook and crook attained the station of "National House of Pancakes."

"There was simply nothing spiritual left to the place," said a spokesman. "They did a lot of assembling, though, and we feel we can use this to our advantage. They have proven that they can all get up and go to work in the morning, and that is what we want. The "Baha'i" part wasn't necessary, since the NSA operated well off the radar of the Kitab-i-Aqdas. Finally, we looked at the "United States" and found there wasn't a whole lot of interest in that, either. They'll do a whole lot better in the restaurant field. We hope."

Some years ago the NSA hopped a jet to Haifa and unloaded their fears and uncertainties upon the Nine. They were re-writing their history and covering up wrongdoings of the Baha'i officers and - gosh - getting not a thimbleful's worth of declarations! The Nine had no idea on God's green earth what to do with them. They told the NSA members that they were just fine. Everybody could go back home. God, the House had work to do! The Americans got a tour of the gardens and went home. How's that for advice from the Supreme Institution of the Baha'i Faith? Maybe they were just saving their wisdom for the day when the world would kneel at their feet. Who can afford a wisdom deficit?

Eventually of course the Nine sat down and talked with their wives, where the real power of Mt.Carmel lies. The ladies laid down the law. They had it up to here with all the Nothing being done by the Universal House of Justice. The women presented the men with a pancake breakfast. "People do not want peace!" the women said. "People want breakfast! Think about it!" The ladies left the room so the gents could give in believing it was their idea all along.

Ideas flew like nightingales at a gunshot. The dome! The dome's blushing gold could advertise the warm smooth surface of a well-browned pancake. The terraces would allow definition to a level of services. Fountains could be doctored to allow insertion of a gas line to fuel the griddles. Syrup can go in the urns. Nine men - nineteen terraces . In good Baha'i spirit they could rotate operation of he extra terrace. Baha'i youth can be recruited from all over the world to spend a year learning the restaurant trade at the midmost heart of the world. At the end of that year they would be qualified to operate a pancake house at home or anywhere. Peace would finally bloom! The world would be drenched in the doughy-sweetness of pancakes. Nuclear bombs would be turned into guest tables. All men would unite around them, and lift their cups of cocoa in an eternal toast to Baha'u'llah.

Thus it was that having acquired this wisdom, the Universal House of Pancakes bestowed the honor of First National House of Pancakes upon the grateful servants of Baha' in Wilmette. Other National Spiritual Assemblies are expected to receive similar honors, and the Universal House of Pancakes hopes members will be patient until they can get around to serving everyone.