NOTES FROM ALL OVER

FANTASY ITEM: If the Baha'i administrators don't know their Covenant from Grandma's teeth, why are they trying to expel perfectly obedient and loyal belivers? Or are they just expelling believers who know the Covenant?

FANTASY ITEM: Mrs.Magoo was searching for answers to some perplexing problems in her life. She wrote to Membership and Records and said, Pals, I've had it. This makes no sense to me any more. But I love Baha'u'llah anyway. Membership and Records wrote back: Dear Baha'i Friend Magoo: We got your letter and we feel your pain. But please, please think it over a little longer. Take a few weeks and then if you still feel you can't be a Baha'i, let us know and we'll zip you off the records. Mrs.Magoo was astounded. Here was a beautiful, caring note conveying understanding and patience. After reading it a few times she decided to take those weeks and re-think it all.

In the meantime she went across the country to a Baha'i School. This will do it for me, she said. At the reception desk the receptionist said, "Mrs.Magoo? You're not a Baha'i." Mrs. Magoo just laughed and explained.

"No," said the receptionist. Mrs.Magoo asked who authorized her ousting. "It was your Local Spiritual Assembly," was the answer. "I don't have one,"said Mrs.Magoo. "The nearest LSA to me is an hour's drive away!" That secretary refused to wait the few weeks that Membership and Records had proffered Mrs.Magoo. She sent in a change of status report and somebody in Wilmette processed it, but nobody asked Mrs.Magoo what she wanted. Nobody believed her story about the kind, patient letter from Membership and Records. To get to the school Mrs.Magoo had gotten off the bus after sunset and walked through a pitch black woods, following only the sound of young Baha'i voices laughing and singing in the night, to share in the fellowship and unity of a Baha'i school.

"You'll have to pay the full fee," the receptionist snapped.

Mrs.Magoo was patient. She paid the full fee, but as for being a Baha'i anymore.....How can you fight a Local Spiritual Assembly Secretary and Membership and Records and some receptionist two thousand miles from home who have ruled that you are not a Baha'i, when someone else in Membership and Records said you were? Mrs.Magoo was optimistic. She wrote Membership and Records again. Nobody answered. She spoke to the LSA Secretary, who snapped at Mrs.Magoo and refused to re-process the withdrawal.

On the other side of the world, Dr.Magu had the same problem, but instead of writing him a nice letter they made him an Auxiliary Board Member. His brother is on the House of Justice so he knew it was coming sometime. Finally getting on the Auxiliary Board gave Dr.Magu tons of energy. Now he could attend any intercontinental conference the Baha'i world threw at him! There would have to be some hobnobbing with the United Nations crowd. For research. For how do those dudes get those native chickies and nobody knows....

Mrs.Magoo stretched out beside the pool and talked to her orange cat, who was sitting on her belly, purring explosively. "Mr. Barrymore," she said. "I'm so glad we're free!"

FANTASY ITEM: Plans are in the works for the establishment of the Universal House of Pancakes. The Universal House of Pancakes will rule breakfast time across the globe. Establishments will be easily identified by their golden dome, and dignified staff sporting business suits and speaking in cultured accents. The menu, still in the planning stages, will include nine-pointed pancakes and Iranian-seasoned rice grenades. "Unity, unity, unity!" sang the men of the House of Pancakes. "Nobody wants peace," said a spokesman. "Everybody wants breakfast! The Universal House of Pancakes will give them that breakfast."