One "MYSTERIOUS GREIVOUS AFFLICTION"

Auxiliary Board Members stricken with mysterious disorder!

Common complaints of sore throats and hacking coughs among the Baha'i Faith's Institution of the Learned have led doctors to conclude that the Assistants to the Auxiliary Board Members for Protection are actually cutting their own throats! From the inside out!

Meanwhile, their Auxiliary Board Members secretly complain of sword slashings and spear piercings rampant upon their persons and not accountable to any earthly cause. Doctors, however, believe the wounds are self-inflicted during totally unconscious periods when uttering calumny, or being carried away by wrath, are beyond the individuals' power to control.

Insiders are losing ground in a confused attempt to deflect attention away from the words in Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, section 111, page 136-37 which reveal that

"The individual must be educated to such a high degree that he would rather have his throat cut than tell a lie, and would think it easier to be slashed with a sword or pierced with a spear than to utter calumny or be carried away by wrath."
(Compilations, The Compilation of Compilations vol. I, p. 263)

Your reporter offers an analysis: Here are members of the Institution of the Learned, chosen for their educational accomplishments, yet the agony of self-inflicted wounds is their lot! What more does God require of these souls! More education? Precious Lord, is not an advanced degree in bioselfesteem followed by seven years at the helm of the United States Bureau of Snoots enough? Why can not an ivy league school ring shield these innocent men and women from His wrath?

"Maybe they should stop lying," suggested MrDonut. "Maybe they should heed The Master's words."

Your reporter urged her friend to flee immediately, before the Auxiliary Police Force caught wind of his words and had him excommunicated. On the Internet level, of course.

"They can try," said MrDonut. "But I'm only a cat. Who cares?"