BLOWING SHOGHI EFFENDI

MrDonut came upon his daughter Doozie crying in the living room. Copies of books by Ruhiyyih Khanum were all over the sofa. "Stop it! Stop it right now!" he said.

"Dad!" she sobbed. "Oh, Daddy!"

"Stop it!" MrDonut said more soothingly.

"Oh, Dad," sobbed Doozie. "He was so blown!"

"Blown? Who?" Sometimes trying to communicate with his daughter made MrDonut want to go to the refrigerator and get a beer.

"Shoghi Effendi!" she moaned, and then cried quietly. "Ruhiyyih Khanum says that even before he named himself Guardian, Shoghi Effendi suffered blows from all directions!"

"Like where, sweetie?"

"Oh, Dad! From just about anyone who looked at him sideways! And I'm not talking about his enemies! Daddy, Shoghi Effendi had more enemies than those guys that smash the heads of baby seals! "

"True, my well-read daughter," said MrDonut. "

"Dad, would you look over the quiz I've made up for the Youth class? "

"Of course, Doozie. While I'm doing that get me a beer."

"Yes, Daddy."

DOOZIE'S QUIZ TO YOUTH

How does the life of Shoghi Effendi resemble that of Jesus Christ as recorded in the Gnostic Gospels?
Answer: When little Jesus got the evil eye from anyone, he would close his eyes real tight and the person who gave him the evil eye would immediately drop dead. He performed miracles for his parents and got them a car and a wide-screen TV. When young Shoghi Effendi was young he had well-choreographed prophetic dreams, and people had gushy arse-licking prophetic dreams about him. The hearsay evidence of his magnificent destiny is a cloying litany of tales told, interestingly enough, in the style of his wife. Young Houssein Ali never had so may people trying to kiss up to him.

Our True Brother said that people followed him around trying to beat him up ,spiritually, because they knew he was going to be the Guardian someday, but he just closed his eyes real tight and kept them that way. He went to Oxford for a little while and got out according to his wife with not one class in English or in architecture. That was a miracle, because everybody gave Shoghi Effendi gold stickers for his mastery of English and architecture. Once he was settled into the Guardianship, he was finally allowed to stomp, publicly and with complete freedom, upon anyone he wished. Some Baha'is today say that is okay, because he was the Guardian. What a religion!

Three helpers were named in Priceless Pearl that helped Shoghi Effendi get the buildings on Mt.Carmel up. What one prominent Baha'i architect's name was not mentioned?
Answer: Charles Mason Remey. This was pretty snooty of Ruhiyyih Khanum, because Mr.Remey ably and faithfully carried a tremendous portion of the Guardian's self-assigned burden. Leaving it out makes her look small, and it exposes the principle that a man is a Baha'i until the Guardian's wife kicks him out. That did not happen until 1957(?). Small? Petty? Vindictive? Remey designed the house of worship that is to be raised someday on the site of the obelisk on Mt.Carmel. Shoghi Effendi himself said so.* Why aren't the Baha'is listening to Shoghi Effendi now?

Who were Shoghi Effendi and Ruhiyyih Khanum's worst enemies?
Answer: Each other.

What was the origin of Shoghi Effendi's constant need to go off somewhere away from it all and "recover" from "blows?"
Answer: Guilt. His own, beginning with the fabrication of his "Guardianship" from the time 'Abdu'l-Baha died and His sister wrote a patchwork "Will" to save her side of the family from destitution. Many Baha'is glorify the mad, freewheeling life of Tahirih, but there are many also who have to give it to Bahiyyih Khanum for thinking on her feet, and thinking fast. She and Shoghi Effendi in fact collaborated in the creation of the Guardianship.

The Guardianship gave Shoghi Effendi more power than the Pope, J.Edgar Hoover, and God, and unquestionably more than Baha'u'llah and 'Abdu'l-Baha ever had. If Baha'u'llah had had the powers of the Guardian, the whole world would be speaking Farsi and peace would reign from pole to pole. He didn't. Shoghi Effendi got it, and look at the mess the world is in today. If you were responsible for that, wouldn't you take off for Paris, or Switzerland, or London? Friend, when the royal couple traveled, do you think they stayed in a tent? Guilt, guilt, guilt. Pow, pow, pow.

What was the wisdom of Shoghi Effendi not accompanying 'Abdu'l-Baha to America?
Answer: There are many. One is, so he could blame this Dr.Fareed, who diagnosed the youth as having an eye disease. Nobody was allowed to travel with an eye disease then. Think of Ellis Island! Shoghi Effendi later said that Dr.Fareed hated him! He said Dr.Fareed hated the Covenant. That was the end of Dr.Fareed, as a Baha'i.

We do not know if the party wanted him to go along to America anyway. He was fussy. He was never happy following the instructions of his teachers. They put him into three different schools before Oxford because he was a Mama's Boy. His English wasn't that great anyway, then. Look at his photo. He is a troublemaker.

Why did Shoghi Effendi have so little good to say about America?
Because by then he had the American Baha'i Community under his thumb, a place the Central Figures never gave it. He gave a new angle to Baha'i life by adding an insurmountable problem of racism. He gave this problem more attention, and ordered the American Baha'i Community to give it more attention, than the Daily Obligatory Prayer.

Have any of Shoghi Effendi's instructions brought about any change in race relations? Didn't Dr.King do a lot more, and he wasn't a Baha'i. Maybe Dr.King was working on inspiration, a quality Shoghi Effendi seemed to kill with his will to hunt enemies.

Oh, for the hand of God! We should rejoice that Shoghi Effendi never made it to our shores. Years later, he got even by culling the American Baha'i community of those who called for proof of the Will, for removing the incorporation of the Word or God, and other actions demanded by a free people in a just nation.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Doozie.

MrDonut fairly glowed with pride. "Excellent! Doozie, you've rent the veil. I believe you've made a man out of him."

"It was Doozie's turn to glow. "Thanks, Dad. Can we all go out for tuna tonight?"


*Since the Guardian's passing a special committee meets on Mondays to brainstorm ways to get around Shoghi Effendi's decision. So far they have been unsuccessful, but the members say they're serving the Faith, it's a living, and the pizza is excellent.