TRUE DREAMS

"Thinking for yourself is too exhausting!" says member.
At right, new Baha'i administrators beam with joy at their appointment.

FANTASY ITEM: Baha'is around the country are going hog wild about the announcement by the National Spiritual Assembly that they will no longer be the institution responsible for removing rights, but have delegated this power to whoever wants it. A spokesman for the NSA said that that body estimates that by the year 2012, every Baha'i in North America will have had his/her rights removed eight times by nine different Local Spiritual Assemblies, twelve individual Baha'is, and three Presbyterians.

FANTASY ITEM: The National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is of the United States announced today that all nine members have resigned, sold all they possessed, and gone to pioneer where no one else wanted to. Members of the Universal House of Justice wept with joy.

FANTASY ITEM: The next nine members of the new NSA have resigned, sold all they possessed, and gone to pioneer where no one else wanted to. Those believers further down the roster await the summons to Wilmette.

FANTASY ITEM: The National Spiritual Assembly has renewed its membership 18,000 times since our last report. Over a quarter-million of Baha'is have left the U.S. to pioneer. Believers left standing wonder how this could have happened, since there were only some 65,000 Baha'is in the United States when the trend began.

FANTASY ITEM: As promised by The Master, at 12:15 a.m. this morning God closed the gate of his grace against violators and is pursuing them "with a madness."

FANTASY ITEM: Every believer in the world got a copy of something Shoghi Effendi wrote and they are perusing it heartily. Imitating the manner in which The Guardian wrote all that he did, they too are reading his works aloud. I.Q. s are soaring upwards and Firmness in the Covenant is so strong it lights up the night sky.